Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
