i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
