I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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