he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
