Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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