i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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