my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
