i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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