i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
