Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
