We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
