Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
