you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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