mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
