But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She's JV to your varsity
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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