I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
