my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
