Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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