So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
