It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
