the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
