Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
