Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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