You really coming over, don't trick.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
