On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
