I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
