I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
