A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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