her facebook's as public as her vagina
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
