You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
