My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
