u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize