i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
