We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
