Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
