im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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