i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
