Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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