Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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