What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
