finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
