At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
