Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
