ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
