I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
