$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
