the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize