he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
