Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
where am i from again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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