Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
