her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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