i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
