how can u be prego again
i think my tv is drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
