new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
