she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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