arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
