It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
