This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
