just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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